


The Full Monty………unfortunately

by MsGordo_Writings



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:07:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22483084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsGordo_Writings/pseuds/MsGordo_Writings
Summary: The guys will do anything to cheer Willow up for her birthday.
Kudos: 3





	The Full Monty………unfortunately

**Author's Note:**

> This work belongs to MsGordo (https://archiveofourown.org/users/kipplemine/profile) and has been posted with her express permission in order to preserve it from Yahoo Groups. If I have missed any tags or warnings, please feel free to let me know.

Author: Karen

e-mail:  [ karen@klewis91.fsnet.co.uk ](mailto:karen@klewis91.fsnet.co.uk)

Title:  **The Full Monty………unfortunately**

Rating: PG13

Distribution: Wic

A/N: answer to Wic’s challenge for a b’day fic for her archive. 

Disclaimer: Title is, of course, lifted from the film of the same name, as is the conceptual idea. The song is ‘You Can Leave Your Hat On’ by Mr Tom Jones (love god) and unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be a record that I can find that tells me who wrote it, so you’ll just have to rest assured that it wasn’t me. I just wrote the fic! And the people in THAT aren’t mine either…sheesh, makes you wonder why you bother, don’t it?

Dedication: Mel, thanks for the great (and last minute!) beta job. Love ya babe!! As usual, Ina and Jen. And Wic, ‘cos its her challenge.

  
  
  
  


“Absolutely NOT!” Giles sprang up from his chair and backed away from Buffy and Anya. He was so upset he nearly spilled his tea. Buffy exchanged glances with Anya, rolled her eyes, and then turned back to her Watcher

“Giles, don’t be such a baby.”

Giles backed into the kitchen and bumped up against his fridge door, as his Slayer and the vengeance demon followed him. He almost bobbled his china cup, but managed to set it down on the counter without breaking it. One hand crept to his pants pocket to retrieve a clean handkerchief, whilst the other whipped off his glasses. The two hands met and began an agitated cleaning of the already sparkling glass. Buffy placed her hands on her hips, and glared angrily at the distressed older man.

“Giles, its for  _ Willow _ . You know, she who sacrificed her adolescence, and practically her life, just to help with our deal. She didn’t have to do that.”

Giles nodded, “And I appreciate it, but I really don’t see how this re-pays her in any way. In fact, it seems more of a punishment.”

Anya joined in with typical bluntness, “No, Willow is no longer a wicked witch. All her evilness has left her, and she has now returned to her former self. You take advantage of her every day, and never repay her many kindnesses. I have told Xander he will be doing this, and so will you. Willow will enjoy this surprise, and it will make her happy.”

Giles blinked unhappily. “Xander’s agreed to this?”

Both girls snorted, and Buffy gave a grim smile, “Like he had a choice.” Knowing how to deal with her Watcher after many profitable years of getting her own way, she snagged Anya’s arm and marched her out of the kitchen and to the apartment door, tossing over her shoulder “Anya will pick you up at eight. Be ready.”

Giles flinched as the door crashed shut behind the two girls, and then gave a low moan of distress. His shoulders slumped in defeat, and he trailed into his living room to stare despondently at the navy blue pants and jacket draped over the back of his sofa. He closed his eyes briefly before his head shot up and he exclaimed in horror, “SPIKE?”

***********************

Spike was having a similar reaction. “No bloody way! Get the ‘ell away from me, you mad bints.”

Buffy watched as he scrabbled up the wall of his basement hideaway and eyed her from the top of the furnace. She folded her arms and waited. First Spike shifted slightly, and then he began to frown, then with a truly spectacular scream and leap, he shot off the top of the red hot metal and crashed in a heap at Anya’s and Buffy’s feet. Anya shook her head, “Pathetic. I do not believe we both had sex with him.” She cocked her head to one side and beamed down at the dazed vampire, “Although, he is still nicely built. He will make a fine addition to Willow’s birthday celebration. Well done, Buffy.”

Buffy wisely ignored the beginning of Anya’s remark, and focused only on the last sentence. “Yes, he will. Spike, you’re coming with us. NOW. And you  _ will _ do this if I have to strip your clothes from your back myself. Understood?” 

Spike waggled his eyebrows at her from the floor, “Missed your daily dose o’ Spike lovin’ did ya, Slayer? Just desperate to get your hot little mitts on me again?”

Buffy grimaced and said dryly, “Yes, Spike, that’s exactly it.” She waited a beat, and then cocked an eyebrow and continued, “Or it could be that I think Willow deserves something to laugh about. Happily, you fit the bill exactly.” She reached down and yanked the blond vamp to his feet, “Let’s go, stud.”

  
  


*****************

  
  


Willow sat back and beamed at Buffy as she carefully stacked up the last of the redhead’s birthday gifts. “Buffy, that was wonderful. You shouldn’t have gone to this much trouble for me; I know how busy you are.”

Buffy smiled lovingly at her friend “Trouble, schmouble. You’re my best friend, Will, and you deserve a little spoiling.”

The other girl hung her head slightly; “I just never expected that you’d ever forgive me for what I did.” Her eyes filled with tears, and her head dropped lower as Anya and Dawn came giggling back in the room. Buffy moved to Willow’s side, and draped a loving arm over her shoulders, and gave a quick squeeze

“Sweetie, you’re a member of this family, and there is NOTHING we can’t forgive.”

Willow wiped the tears from her face and gestured miserably around the room. “I don’t know. Giles and Xander aren’t here. I don’t think they’ve gotten over what I did, yet. And Spike didn’t show. Not even when he knew there’d be free cake.”

Dawn grinned widely, “Weeeelll, I wouldn’t say they didn’t show, exactly.” She pulled a camcorder out from behind her back, and placed it carefully on the mantle, where it pointed directly at the open space in front of the sofa. Willow frowned in confusion, as Anya scuttled out the door and returned a moment later dragging a HUGE pink cardboard cake on a trolley. The demon moved to the stereo and pressed play, and a minute later a loud thumping beat filled the room.

Willow’s mouth dropped open, as she found herself wedged between Buffy and Anya, with Dawn lying along the top of the sofa behind them. Anya poked her cheerfully in the ribs and advised, “Hang on to your underwear.”

For a moment nothing happened, and then the massive cake began to rock from side to side as though there was a fierce struggle going on inside. A strangled yelp sounded, making Dawn giggle, and then all of a sudden, the top of the cake shot off, and Xander’s head appeared. He gave the four girls a panicked look, reached down and gave a hard yank, and Giles’ head popped up beside him. The two men exchanged looks, and stuck their heads back in the cake to emerge moments later with a struggling, swearing Spike.

Xander climbed out carefully, kept a grip on Spike whilst Giles made his way out, and then both men gave another hard yank to drag Spike out beside them. Willow’s mouth dropped further open, as the opening line to the song pounded out.

_ Baby, take off your coat, real slow _

Xander gave Anya a hunted look, which she returned, with a look of staggering aggression, until his hands rose reluctantly to the buttons on his jacket. All three men wore identical dark blue security uniforms topped with peaked caps, and the same horrified expressions. Giles gave a huge sigh, and reached for his own buttons, jumping a little as Buffy cleared her throat pointedly, and pointed to his hips. Giles gave her a martyred look, which was completely disregarded, and began to slowly swing his hips to the beat. Behind Buffy’s head Dawn took a stake out of her pants pocket and glared at Spike. He glared back, sagged, and began to swing his own hips in time with Giles and Xander.

_ Baby, take off your shoes. I'll help you take off your shoes. _

_ Baby, take off your dress. Yes, yes, yes. _

_ You can leave your hat on. _

_ You can leave your hat on. _

_ You can leave your hat on. _

Willow was torn between utter hysteria and sheer adoration, as the song progressed and the three most uncoordinated strippers in the history of the world strutted their funky stuff. She yelped as Spike ripped off his tie and flung it towards the sofa, looking as though he wished it were a dagger, and then yelped again as the three of them ripped their shirts open, and buttons pinged off the walls. Beside Willow, Buffy was speechless with laughter, whilst Anya was diligently digging through her purse for dollar bills to tuck in the men’s waistbands, anxious to do the whole thing correctly.

_ Go over there, turn on the light. No, all the lights. _

_ Come back here, stand on the chair. Ooh, baby, that's right! _

_ Raise your arms in the air, now shake 'em. _

_ You give me reason to live. _

_ You give me reason to live. _

_ You give me reason to live. _

_ You can leave your hat on! _

There was a thump as Dawn fell off the back of the sofa when, one after the other, the men took hold of their pants and ripped them off to reveal closely fitted underwear in a shining, black material. Her head popped up a moment later, tears of mirth streaking down her face, as Giles, Xander and Spike swung their po-faced booty to the catcalls of Buffy and Anya.

_ Suspicious minds are talking. That's right, they'll tear us apart. _

_ They don't believe in this love of ours. _

_ They don't know what love is. _

_ They don't know what love is. _

_ I know what love is. _

_ You can leave your hat on. _

_ You can  _

Willow’s eyes widened again, as all three men took their hats off their heads, waved them tantalisingly at the sofa, and then covered their groins with them. All of them paused for moment and cast a last pleading look at Buffy, who folded her arms and said firmly, “Dawn, cover your eyes.”

There was a collective shudder along the line of men. They closed their eyes, and with a hearty yank, pulled their underwear off, leaving themselves in nothing but a hat and some socks.

The closing bars of the song pounded out, and Anya stood up to place her hands on her hips. “Do it now.”

With eyes still closed, the hats were flung away, leaving the male Scoobs in all their naked glory. Willow was immobile on the sofa, clutching her stomach as she gasped through tears of laughter; Buffy exchanged a high five with Anya as the men scuttled from the room. Both girls leaned down and hugged their friend.

“Happy Birthday Willow!”

  
  
  
  



End file.
